Not just Blogger's Block (over the last two years) but also China's recent decision to block access to blogger.com

Sigh. Why are they so afraid of retards with keyboards?

Labels: Bullshit

I'm headed back Stateside very soon, and unfortunately, my residence permit expires while I'm gone. In order to get it extended, I needed to have my Foreign Expert's Certificate extended.

The extension of the foreign expert's certificate requires a week, the extension of the residence permit also requires a week. Each requires multiple trips to multiple offices, lots of paperwork, and a smattering of red rubber stampings.

I leave in a week.

I've managed, somehow, in the last few days, to meet the two friendliest, most helpful Chinese government workers ever. The first in the Office of Importing Foreign Intellectuals (see included photo) the second at the big Public Security Bureau building near the Lama Temple.

The first told me that, if I faxed him a letter explaining my situation and included my flight itinerary, he'd see what he could do. What he did was get my certificate back to me in less than twenty-four hours. He even called me this morning (!!!) to tell me that my certificate would be ready by 3pm. Holy crap.

Oh, and big ups to Melissa and her intern for helping me write the letter.

Today, I tried to get my visa extended. I was told that it would take a week, and a bunch of paperwork (which I didn't have) to get it done.

I explained my situation. She told me that, if I could get the paperwork and red rubber stamps back to her by tomorrow, she'd make sure I had my passport back before I leave. She told me to come straight to her and avoid the other workers.

I'm crossing my fingers... as I need to visit a police station tomorrow for some other paperwork. I hope it goes as smoothly. I also hope I find the incredibly nice lady at the PSB.

I know my friends who helped me get the Foreign Expert's certificate won't ever read this (as it's written poorly in a foreign language... but thanks to them endlessly anyhow.

** Update **
This morning I went to the police station to get my temporary residence whatever thingy we laowai all need but frequently are late in getting...

I ran into someone I casually know, he lived in the same complex and was in need of the same card. He was first in line, and for some reason, they gave him a lot of shit... "You've lived here for this long and still haven't had this done... that's illegal, you know. You should be fined."

For some reason, the same police woman gave me absolutely no trouble and just signed the papers and printed my form.

I headed straight to the PSB, and filled out some forms, talked to the right people, and I'll have my passport back on the morning that I leave. Eek.

Labels: Beijing Adventures, Bullshit, Bureaucracy, Good Luck

So, as if you weren't already convinced that I'm a complete geek, here's some more evidence:


I've been keeping a 'journal' of the cost-effectiveness of my new scooter via an excel spreadsheet. This week, my scooter has finally paid for itself and started actually saving me money.

I put in a few factors here (all figures in RMB):

• Cost of the bike : 2500
  
• Cost of the fake plate : 310
  
• Cost of gas : To date: 238+
  
• Cost of maintenance : To date: 500+
  
• Cab fare saved : To date: 3780+

I have not included trips to the mechanic or gas station under the "cab fare saved" column, and the maintenance includes preventative measures, repairs, and additions (like the lovely new horn or the 'performance' shocks I put on to lift my giant laowai ass off the ground).

Anyhow, I'm happy to report that it's all savings from here on out. And yes, I am crazy enough to continue driving it throughout winter.

Labels: Geek, Scooters

After being a dick a few too many times and getting myself punched by cab drivers, pimps, or whoever happened to annoy me, I decided to learn to control my temper. Over the last year or so, I've been doing a pretty good job of it.

But, for some reason, the last few days have really tried my patience, and I've blown up a few times.

Today, for example, some twenty-something asshole whose parents bought for him an awesome ricer sportscar that gets him all sorts of laid decided it would be a good idea to sideswipe me and knock me off my bike. He did this within my apartment complex (which is saturated with speedbumps) right before making a left turn at a blind T intersection. At the Bucknuts Freaking Moron School of Driving, he learned that all of those things- speedbumps, left turns, and not being able to see traffic around the corner are reasons to speed up. Unfortunately, I'm not an alumnus, and so I was going way too slow for him. Good enough reason for him to blare his horn and knock me off of his bike. That, and he has a small prick.

I got up, hunted his ass down, blaring my horn futilely at him, and as he was driving into his apartment's parking lot, stopped him and yelled at him (slightly less futilely). He struggled to think of something to say in response to questions like, "Why do you drive like that? Are you trying to kill people, or are you just an idiot?"

His inability to answer annoyed me more, so I punched his car. This is the kind of stupid shit I do when I'm pissed. The right idea would have been to punch him, considering that his car- although a pointlessly lame ricer- wasn't being an asshole, and more importantly can't feel pain.

His passenger, who spoke irritatingly good English, got out and apologized politely and shook my hand. I'm still pissed off about how quickly that calmed me down and made me go away.

* * * * * * * *

So, later, while getting my oil changed, I noticed this hanging on the wall of mechanic's shop:


I asked the mechanic if he could install this while fixing my turn signals. He laughed, and did it. When asked "how loud is it is?" He said, "Loud... heh. Once I install it, you'll see."

It was loud. It was loud enough to annoy people who repair motorcycles. It was so loud, it knocked a cat off of a nearby roof. It's loud enough that it kind of hurts my ears when I use it.

It was fun making cab drivers slam on their brakes by making them think that a giant, blue, poorly-made truck was about to T-bone them. However, I really got my chance to test it out later this evening...

As I was entering an apartment complex gate, one of the guards in the guardhouse threw something at me. It was a banana peel. It landed between my feet on my scooter while I was moving. I heard the laughter of two halfwits coming from the guardhouse. I stopped, backed up, and looked inside. Immediately, two guards that could easily intimidate an 8 year old girl came out to apologize.

"Why did you throw that at me?" I asked.
"Um... I'm terribly sorry. It was an accident. I didn't see there was a person there."
"You don't have eyes? Or, was my headlight blinding and you are too stupid to logically reason that, if there's a moving vehicle there must be a person on it?"
"But, I said I'm sorry."
"So, why did you do that? Was it some kind of joke?"
"No no no... I didn't know..."
"Why did you laugh?"
"Um... I... uh..."
"I have something that's funny... come close."
"Huh?"
"Closer."

Nearly knocked him out of his standard issue tennis shoes.

Labels: Scooters

Now that I'm 30, there's few changes I have to make to my life, because that's what adults do.

• Stop going to bed at 4am: It's unprofessional. People will think I'm much more professional if I wake up at 6 or 7am and sit in rush hour traffic until 10. This way, when I finally start working at 11 after downing a double tall latte or two, they won't look at me and say, "Just got out of bed?" They'll see an obvious unrested, wired, wage slave and think "Now there's a guy who's got his shit together.
• Think about buying a house: Living with a roommate is something college kids do. What I really need to do if I want people to respect me is tie myself down financially. Having the ability to just go where one pleases is a sign of immaturity, and it's time I move beyond that.
• Get a car: Not in the mid-life crisis way. I'm talking about something practical, dependable and family friendly. Like a Cadillac Escalade.
• Get a haircut and a real job: I'm going bald anyhow, and keeping a 9 to 5 really shows how mature one is. Only a true adult is ready to give up looking for the life he or she wants and accept a life that pays the bills even if it means 8 hours a day with people he or she secretly wants to murder.
• Hang up the chick habit: A girl's not a tonic nor a pill. I need to switch to alcohol: the drug of choice for grown men who otherwise despise their 9-5s, their houses, and their jobs.
  

Labels: Bullshit, Work

Nick has made the comment that my life is incestuous in that my clients are often my friends and the places I hang out are businesses that I have contracts with.

Further proving his point, we're also doing the POS for Rickshaw (one of my new favorite spots in Beijing). I've mentioned COX before - Rickshaw is owned and operated by the same people.

So, they specialize in very authentic Buffalo wings, which makes the irony even deeper for me. I actually killed off some homesickness today with some of their wings with celery and blue cheese. I did this while working on a POS for Q Bar (down the street) and while Trevor was talking POS business with the manager.

Somehow, life manages to stay fresh. I'm so much more comfortable with this than I would be with a desk job in which I'm doing the same thing every day. What?

Yeah. Nick has a point.

Labels: Drinks, Work

So, yeah. It's been some obnoxious amount of time since I've posted anything. What happened to Kenn World? What happened to Beijing Adventures?

Well, the long-enough answer is ARD and Q Bar.

ARD is, if you're not familiar, a (or rather, THE) German broadcaster. We updated their bigger-than-I-realized office (read: laid a bunch of cables, designed some new port thingies and installed some hardware) in preparation for the 2008 Olympic coverage and all of the new employees it will bring.

Q Bar, if you're not familiar, is the bar that I've spent the most time at. Ironically, the project we did for them (a custom point-of-sale system), has kept me almost completely away from them (read: I've been there three times for relaxtion since starting the project, once on business).

The ARD project is mostly done, and so is the POS.

Hmm. It feels good to be blogging. This is the first time since February that I've not felt guilty for not working.

Maybe I can even get Jim Boyce to start reading again.

Labels: Drinks, Work

Thanks to Trevor on this one...